My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
