mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
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The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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