ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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