sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
