So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
