Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
