she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
