By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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