I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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