It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
