Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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