Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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