What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
