I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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