He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
