Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i think i have herpe
just one?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
