I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
FUCK WHALES
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
