paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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