i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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