Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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