Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
