I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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