Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
