Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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