The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
