I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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