woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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