It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You ruined the universe
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
