Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
