he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
