You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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