I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
