do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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