guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
