My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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