I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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