you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
