The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
