There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
