Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
