If i come over, it means nothing
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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