my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
