Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
