i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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