OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
