Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize