Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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