you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
