I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My balls are so social today.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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