have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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