I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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