This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
