im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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