bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
