fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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