Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
