I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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