He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
