I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
