if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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