i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
