All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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