So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
