Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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