My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
