I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
