Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
